Herding old folk

The bus pass is under threat. And it won't be long before there's a bedroom tax to herd us older folk into small flats and out of the homes we have built up through toil and sweat.

And this cull of "bedroom blockers" will be to no avail. A report by the International Longevity Centre says relocating senior citizens will only make worse the housing shortage for first-time buyers. The report says more must be done to make retirement housing "aspirational". I presume they mean upmarket abodes of a comfortable and luxurious nature. Not a single-end up a non-wally close.

Pensioners of the world unite. If we must downsize, we should also upgrade. Say no to retirement homes with connotations of commodes and antimacassar-covered armchairs. Say yes to a condominium with a hint of pandemonium. Huge flat-screen tellies, HDMI dongles with YouTube videos of all your favourite rock stars.

This is not rage against the dying of the light. This is a determination to have some fun, fun, fun while roaming in the gloaming of the polished tiles.

Life need not be dull in shelter-ville. Residents can get together to mix and match prescription drugs. Pill-popping parties where tablets to relieve and prevent stiffness may be swapped for others with the opposite effect. Tonic wine tastings where a classy aromatic Wincarnis can be compared and contrasted to a cheeky young Buckfast or a full-bodied Sanatogen.

Hell's Angel-style outings on mobility scooters with all the pillion babes in Marianne Faithfull leather gear. Don't just sit and watch as years go by. With no other occupants in your retirement flat, every night is an "empty" and an excuse for a party. Splurge all the money you're saving on gas and electricity on Marks & Spencer ready meals.

Rock'n'roll retirement is all very well but we don't want ghettos for older folk. The generations should mix. Pensionistas might consider the option of taking rooms in these ultra-smart blocks of student flats that are all over the place these days. You may have to sign up at college for a course in the philosophy of hairdressing. But you will get a student discount card.

There can be symbiosis as auld yins show there is life beyond the pot noodle and the young give valuable information as to whether the lift is going up or down. Oldies should be considerate and not play music too loud when younger residents are studying for exams.

New Bills coach Doug Marrone and the front office made a bold move in drafting Manuel, thought to have an enormously high ceiling but viewed as a raw project, in the first round. Since the draft, however, Manuel has said that the Bills offense has been easier to learn than Florida State's, and new general manager Doug Whaley said he is open to Manuel being the Day 1 starter.

Prior to the draft, the Bills had signed former Arizona Cardinals and Philadelphia Eagles quarterback Kevin Kolb, who has enjoyed some encouraging moments in the NFL during the occasional times he hasn't been injured. There is little question Kolb is more polished, but will the Bills be able to resist the temptation to turn the keys over to their prized draft pick?

This one could go down to the wire. If Manuel progresses quickly, the Bills would probably like to start him. If he experiences major growing pains (the more likely scenario), he could end up being the backup for, say, half the season before eventually assuming the job.

It's tough to predict how ready Manuel will be because we're two and a half months away from his first game action. Let's say it's roughly 60-40 in Kolb's favor to start on opening day, but that figure has the potential to change in a hurry when the preseason games begin.

Weeden is not a lock to open the season behind center, but it would be a fairly big upset if he doesn't. The presence of the other two guys, however, gives Cleveland one of the best backup quarterbacks in the league and probably the finest No. 3. The new staff and front office aren't married to Weeden, so he won't keep the job for long if he doesn't perform.

One thing working against Weeden is his age. Despite entering just his second NFL season, the former New York Yankees farmhand is going to turn 30 in October. Coach Rob Chudzinski and general manager Mike Lombardi are not going to be as patient with Weeden as they would be with the typical second-year quarterback.

Still, Weeden seems to be a decent fit for Chudzinski and offensive coordinator Norv Turner's vertical attack, and that would give him a decent chance to hang onto the job for a while.